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How to be a Porn Producer
As you can see, there is no actual porn on this site. That’s because I’m retired. But young guys always come up to me asking how they can get into the belly-bouncing biz. Well fellas your in for a real cornholing because it’s a tough way to make living. You see its not like in my day, when broads weren’t allowed in the union, and every corner had a blue theatre. Today its all about the internet. So how can you become a porn producer, well I’ll take a crack at getting you started.
1. Become a Ladies Man
Don’t knock it! If you can’t get them to sleep with you, you’ll never get them in front of the camera. Take out women for all walks of life, and try out all the moves yourself. Use the online dating sites with the wilder side, and really find your niche.
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And remember, when in the field cover up. Protect yourself when doing your research.
2. Get Kinky! Get a Camera
Try to make a few videos with your lady friends…dam the things are only like 100 bucks these days…
3. Get a Lawyer!
Oh shit, should I have put this one before the get camera one??? Well its game over for all you losers who didn’t finish the list before posting some one night stand online. You’re probably in jail or worse by now…it happened to a guy I know, when he gets out of the slammer he’s going to need every last dime some buy his DVDs:
4. Make a Website
You gotta make a name for yourself. And today that means having a website, here are some cheap services to get you started. You’re gonna need unlimited band-thingy, so pony up.
5. Face Reality and Make Some Money
Your videos aren’t going to make you any money, advertising other peoples big budget skin flicks is going to make the money. Use established porn affiliate programs like:
Ron, my bestboy, he likes Pussy Cash for his videos.
6. That’s Right No One Wants Your Stinking Videos
There are thousands of guys like you out there…you think you’re the only one who wants the glammer??? The ejaculation!! That is being a porn producer…I mean the thrill of seeing your work, your best babe’s booty on the screen... Well, I won’t spoil it for you.But what I’m told you gotta do these days is give it way, so now here’s the smart part…you contact all those sites where people get to see shitty short clips…and tell them that you have a site that has shitty medium length clips, to which they’ll very likely ask, “Are you Cornholing me?” And you’re not, so it will be ok…here is one to get you started.
That’s it…you are now a modern day porn producer. If you read this but want to be talent in the porn industry, I've got some reading for you to brush up on your skills. But can you really handle it? Find out, take my quiz.
The Retired Porn Producer - 2007
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