The Retired Porn Producer's Guide to... » porn words http://www.retiredpornproducer.com A funny adult cartoon series Sat, 07 Mar 2009 05:08:19 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.1 B is for: Bang the banjo http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/09/b-is-for-bang-the-banjo/ http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/09/b-is-for-bang-the-banjo/#comments Sat, 29 Sep 2007 02:32:00 +0000 admin http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/09/b-is-for-bang-the-banjo/ Of a male, to masturbate . See masturbation-male for synonyms.
“So the other day this guy says to me, ‘I can play the banjo, give me a job.’ So I said, ‘I’m not going to pay you to bang the banjo, there’s no money in wanking willy flicks.”

The Retired Porn Producer

]]> http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/09/b-is-for-bang-the-banjo/feed/ 0 A is for: Aardvark http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/09/a-is-for-aardvark/ http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/09/a-is-for-aardvark/#comments Thu, 27 Sep 2007 20:26:00 +0000 admin http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/09/a-is-for-aardvark/ College slang meaning to engage in sex .
“On the way in this morning, I had a great idea for a new flick. This taxidermist is working in his show, with all those chemicals and starts to hallucinate. She kneels down at the alter, we film the doodle, the drill, and the drive…then he wakes up to find that he’s ‘doing the Aardvard’ literally!”

The Retired Porn Producer

]]> http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/09/a-is-for-aardvark/feed/ 0 # is for : 5-digit disco http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/09/is-for-5-digit-disco/ http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/09/is-for-5-digit-disco/#comments Thu, 13 Sep 2007 14:26:00 +0000 admin http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/09/is-for-5-digit-disco/ A jocular reference to male masturbation . See masturbation-male for synonyms.
“Now here’s one that really brings me back. You know I did a flick called, ‘Fist Full of Dollars on a 5-digit Disco’ back in 72. It was 90 minutes of a guy filling a jug with the good stuff to save his band. We used a lot of lube that day…ah ah ah.”

The Retired Porn Producer, 2007

]]> http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/09/is-for-5-digit-disco/feed/ 0 Z is for: Zazzle http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/09/z-is-for-zazzle/ http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/09/z-is-for-zazzle/#comments Tue, 11 Sep 2007 03:04:00 +0000 admin http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/09/z-is-for-zazzle/ Slang term for lust , horniness , sexual arousal.

SYNONYMS, QUASI-SYNONYMS AND RELATED TERMS: aphrodisia ; appetence ; appetite ; appetition ; ardor-veneris ; carnal-desire ; carnality; coitolimia ; concupiscence ; craving; eroticism; estrus ; heat ; horniness ; hunger ; lechery ; lewdness; libidinal craving; libido ; licentiousness ; lickerishness; longing; lust ; lustfulness; passion ; prurience ; pruriency ; restlessness; rut; salaciousness; salacity ; sensualism; sensuality; sensuous desire ; wantonness. Antonyms: anaphrodisia (anaphrodesia); sexual-anesthesia ; sexual-defluvium ; sexual-inappetence .

“A what? Zazzle? Sounds like an African porn star.”

The Retired Porn Producer, 2007

]]> http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/09/z-is-for-zazzle/feed/ 0 Y is for: Yellow http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/y-is-for-yellow/ http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/y-is-for-yellow/#comments Fri, 17 Aug 2007 18:34:00 +0000 admin http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/y-is-for-yellow/ In power eroticism, a safeword commonly used by submissives to end the scenario.

See Also: xanthophobia, piss yellow, chic, yellow snow, yellow handkerchief, swords, urophile, discharge, gardnerella, road, buff,

Quotes Containing yellow:
Greg Brady (C. D . Barnes) and Donna (Megan Ward) in The Brady Bunch Movie (1994): – Greg Brady: ”Hey there, groovy chic .” – Donna: ”Oh, great! Do I look like a yellow fuzzy baby bird to you?”
Vivian Ward (Julia Roberts) and Edward Lewis (Richard Gere) in Pretty Woman (1990): – Vivian: ”Pick one! I”ve got red, I”ve got green, I”ve got yellow , I”m out of purple but I do have one Gold Circle Coin left, the condom of champions, the one-and-only , nothing is getting through this sucker . What do you say?” – Edward: ”A buffet of safety.”
Kate (Meg Ryan), whose bags were stolen by a conman at the George V hotel, and Frenchman Luc Teyssier (Kevin Kline) in French Kiss (1995): – Kate: ”All men are bastards!” – Luc: ”Not all. I mean, some are just trying to help.” – Kate: ”You know , I never thought I”d be the kind of woman to say this, but all men are bastards. ” – Luc: ”The guy who was talking to you, he was….” – Kate: ”A bastard . A Euro-trash in Armani-kind of bastard .” – Luc: ”He was wearing a black suit with a yellow shirt?” – Kate: ”Yeah. You know him? Of course you know him. All you bastards know each other. Bastards!”
Kate (Meg Ryan), whose bags were stolen by a conman at the George V hotel, and Frenchman Luc Teyssier (Kevin Kline) in French Kiss (1995): – Kate: ”All men are bastards!” – Luc: ”Not all. I mean, some are just trying to help.” – Kate: ”You know , I never thought I”d be the kind of woman to say this, but all men are bastards. ” – Luc: ”The guy who was talking to you, he was….” – Kate: ”A bastard . A Euro-trash in Armani-kind of bastard .” – Luc: ”He was wearing a black suit with a yellow shirt?” – Kate: ”Yeah. You know him? Of course you know him. All you bastards know each other. Bastards!”

“When I was younger, I did one of those charity fundraiser mud wrestling events. You know the ones where horse pill women with arms as thick as my head, get all dirty pile driving scrawny men into the mud. Because I was given the nickname the ‘King of Twin’ for one of my movies, they put me in the pool with two massive Austrian gladiators…they were topless but it was a little hard to tell, not that I had a chance to look. Within 5 seconds my head was pinned in the vice that was one of their thighs. There I was yelling ‘YELLOW, YELLOW’ while the other one was spanking my now bare ass. I still have nightmares about it.”

The Retired Porn Producer, 2007

]]> http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/y-is-for-yellow/feed/ 0 X is for: Xenerotica http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/x-is-for-xenerotica/ http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/x-is-for-xenerotica/#comments Thu, 16 Aug 2007 18:03:00 +0000 admin http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/x-is-for-xenerotica/ Term of recent coinage for sexual attraction to strangers.

“Looking for a new way to get your freak on? I was recently at a xenerotic masquerade party…which was great until I realized that there were only dudes behind all those masks.”

The Retired Porn Producer, 2007

]]> http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/x-is-for-xenerotica/feed/ 0 W is for: Waawaas http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/w-is-for-waawaas/ http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/w-is-for-waawaas/#comments Wed, 15 Aug 2007 18:37:00 +0000 admin http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/w-is-for-waawaas/ Slang term for the female breasts. See breasts for synonyms and euphemisms.

“I was at the bank yesterday and wasn’t getting anywhere with this slack jawed teenager behind the counter. Then at lady comes to the wicket next to me and plops her waawaas on the counter. The guys were tripping over each other to serve her…isn’t that tipical? One of them actually opened thier own wallet to cover her service fees. I gave her my card. After all, she seems to have box office draw.”

The Retired Porn Producer, 2007

]]> http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/w-is-for-waawaas/feed/ 0 V is for: Veiny Salami http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/v-is-for-veiny-salami/ http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/v-is-for-veiny-salami/#comments Tue, 14 Aug 2007 23:49:00 +0000 admin http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/v-is-for-veiny-salami/ Recent jocular coinage for the penis . See penis for synonyms.

See Also: hide the salami, sausage, snorker,

“So I went to one of these swanky new LA delis, I thought I had stumbled upon are real hotspot because I was the only male in the place…then the waiter pulled out his veiny salami! Apparently he wanted to cornhole me…and they call that feminism?”

The Retired Porn Producer, 2007

]]> http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/v-is-for-veiny-salami/feed/ 0 U is for: UFOs http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/u-is-for-ufos/ http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/u-is-for-ufos/#comments Mon, 13 Aug 2007 17:09:00 +0000 admin http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/u-is-for-ufos/ Abbreviation for Unbelievably Fantastic Orgasms. See orgasm for synonyms.
“All these kids have strange ideas, in my day a UFO meant little green men and government conspiracies, and that was erotic enough for us. Now its all about the big-O, makes me want to swizzle my gizzle…or something. Somebody should make a dictionary for old people.”

The Retired Porn Producer, 2007

]]> http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/u-is-for-ufos/feed/ 0 T is for: Twin Peaks http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/t-is-for-twin-peaks/ http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/t-is-for-twin-peaks/#comments Fri, 10 Aug 2007 15:50:00 +0000 admin http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/t-is-for-twin-peaks/ The female breasts. See breasts for synonyms and euphemisms.

See Also: biparous, Paris brothers, sin-twister, true twin, upskirt,

“Maybe you remember a little show in the 80′s called Twin Peaks? I watched 4 epsiodes before I realized that I wasn’t going to see any tits. Talk about false advertising.”

The Retired Porn Producer, 2007

]]> http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/t-is-for-twin-peaks/feed/ 0 S is for: Shagadelic http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/s-is-for-shagadelic/ http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/s-is-for-shagadelic/#comments Wed, 08 Aug 2007 18:13:00 +0000 admin http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/s-is-for-shagadelic/ Or: shag-a-delic , sexually-appealing , said of a woman .

Quote: Austin Powers (Mike Myers) (repeatedly) to Felicity Shagwell (Heather Graham) in Austin Powers 2 The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999): ‘ You’re very shagadelic! ‘

“I don’t know if I can comment on the word Shagadelic, I have a lawsuit pending. You stole that word from my 1967 film Spies with Thighs Mike Myers and I’ve got the video store recepts to prove it!”

The Retired Porn Producer, 2007

]]> http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/s-is-for-shagadelic/feed/ 0 R is for: Rib-joint http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/r-is-for-rib-joint/ http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/r-is-for-rib-joint/#comments Thu, 02 Aug 2007 18:12:00 +0000 admin http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/r-is-for-rib-joint/ Older, possibly obsolete term for a brothel . See brothel for synonyms.

See Also: chippie house, chippy-house, notch house, nautch house, syphilitic arthritis, gonorrheal arthritis, grind house, bone xylophone, phoneys, hump ribs, floaters, jointess, pimple palace, cab-moll, chippie joint, hook house, chippy-joint, cop a bird, tipout, nautch joint, notch joint, rough-rider, joint,

“So I went down to the local rib-joint, looking for a quick rub and tug, and the manager told me all the girls are on strike. Can you believe it? Maybe I can be their shop stuart. Ladies of the night, unite! That was the slogan for my East German flick Bread and Dildos.”

The Retired Porn Producer, 2007

]]> http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/08/r-is-for-rib-joint/feed/ 0 Q is for: Quim Wig http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/q-is-for-quim-wig/ http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/q-is-for-quim-wig/#comments Fri, 27 Jul 2007 23:11:00 +0000 admin http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/q-is-for-quim-wig/ Obsolete term for the female pubic-hair . See vagina for synonyms.
“Remember the days when every model had a nice quim wig? Where did girls today go wrong?”

The Retired Porn Producer, 2007

]]> http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/q-is-for-quim-wig/feed/ 0 P is for: Paradise Strokes http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/p-is-for-paradise-strokes/ http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/p-is-for-paradise-strokes/#comments Thu, 26 Jul 2007 21:10:00 +0000 admin http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/p-is-for-paradise-strokes/ Or: short-strokes / vinegar-strokes , the final climactic thrust of the penis or on the penis before ejaculation (when copulating or masturbating).

See Also: short strokes, vinegar strokes,

“So a lot of sites today are all about hand jobs. I got one piece of advice for these girls…when the paradise stroke comes, for christ sakes close your eyes! These ladies need a better benefits package, one stray spooge can send you straight to optometrist.”

The Retired Porn Producer, 2007

]]> http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/p-is-for-paradise-strokes/feed/ 0 O is for: Oreo Cookie http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/o-is-for-oreo-cookie/ http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/o-is-for-oreo-cookie/#comments Wed, 25 Jul 2007 18:08:00 +0000 admin http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/o-is-for-oreo-cookie/ Slang for:

1. A sexual threesome .
SYNONYMS: chance-sandwich ; club-sandwich ; cluster fuck ; design-for-living ; double-peptide ; flesh-sandwich ; sandwich ; sausage-sandwich ; séance-à-trois ; three-decker ; three-high ; three-hole-activities ; three-in-a-bed : three-layer-cake ; threesies ; threesome ; three-way (split, swing); triple-shag .

2. A threesome involving one white and two black persons.

“I had a dream last night, as I often do, that I think would make a great porn movie. Almost like baking a cake, I took two black chicks and two white chicks and a little black man, then stacked them up like a double decker oreo cookie. Mmmm…sounds good.”

The Retired Porn Producer, 2007

]]> http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/o-is-for-oreo-cookie/feed/ 0 N is for: Nick-nacks http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/n-is-for-nick-nacks/ http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/n-is-for-nick-nacks/#comments Tue, 24 Jul 2007 23:03:00 +0000 admin http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/n-is-for-nick-nacks/ Or: knick-knacks :

1. The male genitals , based on the standard sense of trinkets or small ornaments . Although this word is now regarded as archaic, it is still widely known. See penis for synonyms.

2. More rarely, a woman’s breasts. See breasts for synonyms and euphemisms. Both are based on the standard meaning of knick-knacks , trinkets or ornaments .

“So today coming into work, I saw one of those skate boarding kids fall into a fire hydrent. He got it straight in the nick-nacks…that’s his porn career over. How many have been lost…it gets me all emotional.”

The Retired Porn Producer

]]> http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/n-is-for-nick-nacks/feed/ 1 M is for: Monster Shot http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/m-is-for-monster-shot/ http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/m-is-for-monster-shot/#comments Mon, 23 Jul 2007 20:01:00 +0000 admin http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/m-is-for-monster-shot/ In porno-movie jargon, a full-screen, close-up shot on the star’s genitals .

See Also: teratophobia, give a shot of leg, monster shot, big shit, big wheel, continental shot, softy, stovepipe, gynecologic spread, horse and buggy fuggy, poon light, shoot, shooting stick, shooting gallery, shooting iron, snowstorm, cummy face, cunt light, get a shot of leg, C-light, woodsman, jizzer, loaded gun, TLC, waiting for wood, wide-open beaver, split beaver, spread shot, anatomically correct, burgershot, hot beaver shot,

“So one day we were setting up for the monster shot, when I noticed our star was as limp as week old lettuce. I would have called the fluffer over, but they were on strike…can you beleive that?”

The Retired Porn Producer, 2007

]]> http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/m-is-for-monster-shot/feed/ 0 L is for: Lucky Pierre http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/l-is-for-lucky-pierre/ http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/l-is-for-lucky-pierre/#comments Sat, 21 Jul 2007 18:01:00 +0000 admin http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/l-is-for-lucky-pierre/ The middle man in a threesome (or daisy chain) of anal-copulation .
SYNONYMS: chicken on a spit ; meat-of-the-sandwich .
SEE ALSO: chicken-three-way .
“He knew it was a booty call, but he never thought he’d be a lucky Pierre”

The Retired Porn Producer, 2007

]]> http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/l-is-for-lucky-pierre/feed/ 0 K is for: Karezza http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/k-is-for-karezza/ http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/k-is-for-karezza/#comments Fri, 20 Jul 2007 21:40:00 +0000 admin http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/k-is-for-karezza/ Or: carezza , a form of prolonged sexual-intercourse with penetration but no ejaculation , and little or no coital movements, as practiced for birth-control purposes and by people seeking a higher, more spiritual form of pleasure. Ejaculation is withheld through breath-control , stimulation control, meditation, and finger pressure at the base of the penis at the moment of orgasm converting the erotic build-up into an inner climax of psychic energy rather than a physical discharge . As a contraceptive method, karezza is far from 100% effective since seminal leakage often occurs prior to ejaculation .
ETYMOLOGY: Technique derived from the principles of Hindu Tantrism first described by Alice B . Stockham in 1896.
SYNONYMS: coitus-prolongatus ; coitus-reservatus ; male continence.
SEE ALSO: maithuna.

“There is no karezza in porn. If you don’t have cum on her face, you don’t have a money shot.”

The Retired Porn producer, 2007

]]> http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/k-is-for-karezza/feed/ 0 J is for: Jig-a-jig http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/j-is-for-jig-a-jig/ http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/j-is-for-jig-a-jig/#comments Thu, 19 Jul 2007 19:06:00 +0000 admin http://www.retiredpornproducer.com/2007/07/j-is-for-jig-a-jig/ To have sexual-intercourse . See copulation for synonyms.

“So I had another on of those wake up in a strange woman’s bed kind of mornings today. You know I’m not as young as I use to be, in the old days I would have enjoyed waking up to a little jig-a-jig.”

The Retired Porn Producer, 2007

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