The Retired Porn Producer's Guide to... » porn help

How to be a Porn Producer

admin — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 01:51:06 +0000

As you can see, there is no actual porn on this site. That’s because I’m retired. But young guys always come up to me asking how they can get into the belly-bouncing biz. Well fellas your in for a real cornholing because it’s a tough way to make living. You see its not like in my day, when broads weren’t allowed in the union, and every corner had a blue theatre. Today its all about the internet. So how can you become a porn producer, well I’ll take a crack at getting you started.

1. Become a Ladies Man

Don’t knock it! If you can’t get them to sleep with you, you’ll never get them in front of the camera. Take out women for all walks of life, and try out all the moves yourself. Use the online dating sites with the wilder side, and really find your niche.

And remember, when in the field cover up. Protect yourself when doing your research.

2. Get Kinky! Get a Camera

Try to make a few videos with your lady friends…dam the things are only like 100 bucks these days…

3. Get a Lawyer!

Oh shit, should I have put this one before the get camera one??? Well its game over for all you losers who didn’t finish the list before posting some one night stand online. You’re probably in jail or worse by now…it happened to a guy I know, when he gets out of the slammer he’s going to need every last dime some buy his DVDs:

4. Make a Website

You gotta make a name for yourself. And today that means having a website, here are some cheap services to get you started. You’re gonna need unlimited band-thingy, so pony up.

5. Face Reality and Make Some Money

Your videos aren’t going to make you any money, advertising other peoples big budget skin flicks is going to make the money. Use established porn affiliate programs like:

Ron, my bestboy, he likes Pussy Cash for his videos.

6. That’s Right No One Wants Your Stinking Videos

There are thousands of guys like you out there…you think you’re the only one who wants the glammer??? The ejaculation!! That is being a porn producer…I mean the thrill of seeing your work, your best babe’s booty on the screen… Well, I won’t spoil it for you.

But what I’m told you gotta do these days is give it way, so now here’s the smart part…you contact all those sites where people get to see shitty short clips…and tell them that you have a site that has shitty medium length clips, to which they’ll very likely ask, “Are you Cornholing me?” And you’re not, so it will be ok…here is one to get you started.

JuicyClips

That’s it…you are now a modern day porn producer. If you read this but want to be talent in the porn industry, I’ve got some reading for you to brush up on your skills.

But can you really handle it? Find out, take my quiz.

Get Better At SEX! Tips for Men

admin — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 01:42:29 +0000

So you want to able to do it like the stars. Well there are some basics that you need to know first. This page is really more for those wanting to take it to the next level and Fuck like a Porn Star.

Dear Playboy Advisor:

Questions from Men and Women to the Advice Column of Playboy Magazine

How to Make Love Like a Porn Star:

A Cautionary Tale

1-2-3 Be a Porn Star!

A Step-By-Step Guide to the Adult Sex Industry

Secrets of Better Sex:

A Noted Sex Therapist Reveals His Secrets to Passionate Sexual Fulfillment

Introduction to Porn and Sex Help

admin — Sun, 15 Jul 2007 23:46:00 +0000

So maybe you think you can be a porn producer. Or maybe you just think that if you get a little better at it she’ll let you do it more. Well this is the part of the blog is for you.

You know really I don’t know why people ask me sex advice. I work with professionals.

Anyway the producers of my show say I have something to offer in this department and want me to help you shop for sex toys, get into the biz, get your wanker hard, and any other bullshit this intern comes up with. How fucked up is that?

Now really I can give you just a few ideas here and there on things that you might want to try. And maybe a funny story from back in the day. ah ah…That reminds me of the first day I worked on a film set. Back then the most common sex toys were an Ostrich feather and a blindfold, boy that got old fast.

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